ballpoint pens archive

lyrics

oh, your father wore pigtails
your mother died at birth
and you remind them of me
of all the lost things

and you’ll go to calcutta
meet your father there
I hear he breaks necks
tired on his back

won’t you leave for calcutta now?
won’t you pick my sad heart off the ground?

and your sister died so soon
your father was a priest
and you remind them of me
of my misery

take a train to calcutta
and you’ll meet your father there
when I was your age
I felt just the same

remember I was in the forest
stealing fruit from trees
you have it easy
compared to me

won’t you leave for calcutta now?
won’t you pick my sad heart off the ground?
won’t you leave for calcutta now?
won’t you pick my sad heart off the ground?

I’m not a fool but I act like a fool
I’m not a priest but I act like a priest
and you are so close to me
and yet you are so far away

won’t you leave for calcutta now?
and won’t you pick my sad heart off the ground?
won’t you leave for calcutta now?
and won’t you pick my sad heart off the ground?

The first time I hung out with my friend Durga Chew-Bose was only a few months after Ross died. It was a tender time in my life and we became very close — she helped me get through it. She has a special connection with this song, and is a wonderful writer, so I asked her to write something about it for the archive. She graciously sent me this via email:

“I will always respond to this song. It’s sweet. It’s also almost percussive with personal meaning, the kind of song I might listen to on a train…maybe because something about it feels like being on a train? Its marching quality? Or maybe because I’m thinking about the train scene in Pather Panchali, the first film in Satyajit Ray’s Apu trilogy (which inspired Ross; which inspired my parents when choosing my name).

I never met Ross but through Teddy’s loving details, I’ve learned so much about Ross. His music was something Teddy and I talked a lot about when we first became friends, years ago. 

I will be returning to Calcutta soon, carrying my father’s ashes. Maybe that’s too much information for this forum, but it felt like something worth sharing, seeing as this tribute to Ross is built from love.

Happy Birthday, Ross. Thank you, Teddy. Some people just feel eternal, you know?”